I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
