Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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