I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
