oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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