I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
