i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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