Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
