i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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