I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
