its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
