My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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