How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
