Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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