He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
