Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
