She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
