I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
