shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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