and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
PANTIES FOUND
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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