Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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