is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
