He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
These tits shall not be calmed
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