If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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