I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
