seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
