Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
