Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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