I showed him my bush... on skype.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
