how can u be prego again
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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