she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
