And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
