I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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