Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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