she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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