is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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