She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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