And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
