This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
