first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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