did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
