i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
