maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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