So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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