her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
