my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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