your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
