I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
