I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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