if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
