sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
