My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
