I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
