I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
