The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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