he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
