I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
