Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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